Thoughts on Eyebrows

Nothing frightens me more than women with seriously bad eyebrows. Being that I draw and paint women on a constant basis, it is always something I notice, and always something I think about during the painting process — being that my portraits are made up and all. I really don’t understand what happens in a person’s brain to end up with eyebrows that look like this…

Scary! And also, women with brows like this make me stare in a bad way. They probably think I’m a good listener — no honey — I’m just hypnotized.

I also cannot stand Kim Novak and her crayola drawn eyebrows in “Vertigo”, they are seriously the only thing I watch in the whole damn movie! Joan Crawford is another culprit, in that she had a good thing going early in her career…

And then, well, I guess she decided to do this…

What I do love sometimes, is looking through my old fashion magazines from the 1960s up through the 90s. In the 1980s eyebrows were getting a tad to bushy for my taste, and then suddenly, they went streamlined in a way almost reminiscent of the 1930s. I put it down to this 1992 Harper’s Bazaar cover, which has always been my favorite picture of Christy Turlington…

Visiting a variety of cities after this cover, and the Linda Evangelista one a few months later, I noticed all women on the street (especially along Melrose Ave. in L.A.) had the same exact make-up and eyebrow job. Thankfully, it looked good on most of them, if a little homogeneous. The only real backlash of these covers, and trend, was then the Chola girls took it one step further with the painted on eyebrows that pretty much seems to match their lip liner. I will never understand women who shave their brows off only to pencil them in. It looks awful and you are fooling no one!

So ladies, remember, eyebrows are a frame for your eyes, don’t neglect and don’t go tweeze/wax crazy. If you are really that aesthetically challenged, I recommend going to a pro. Look even in Pittsburgh there is a service just for people like you! That way when I see you walking down the street I won’t die a little inside while I stare helplessly at those things. If I can take great care and consideration in shaping them in a representational oil painting, surely you can do the same for yourself.

I’m glad we had this talk, now go get yourself some Rogaine and start all over.

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1 Response to “Thoughts on Eyebrows”


  1. 1 JR 11/28/2009 at 2:31 pm

    Although I am a BIG Kim Novak fan, I agree with you about her eyebrows in VERTIGO. So does she! In Peter H. Brown’s biography RELUCTANT GODDESS, she tells how she argued with Hitchcock about the way they looked. As the movie was being filmed, she secretly, and gradually, tried to soften and thin them. Since they scenes were not not shot in sequence, you will notice that in different scenes there are different eyebrows. She had the same “crayola” eyebrows in BELL, BOOK & CANDLE but for some reason, they seemed to work better in that film. But here’s no denying she was absolutely gorgeous with perfect bone structure, and in retrospect, a much better actress than she was given credit for.
    I can’t say the same about Joan Crawford’s acting or her awful eyebrows. She was never a favorite of mine.


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